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American history is filled with moments of irony. Today is really no different than any other, or is it? As I am sitting here at my desk writing my column about the events of the last 48 hours, the wire sends a piece of news that breaks the streak of the overly hyped election coverage. The wire simply read, "it's a girl for Seinfeld".

As you all know by now, unless you live under a moldy rock, the 2000 elections have brought a series of bizarre incidents never seen before in our rich and colorful history. It's been really Seinfeld-like.

Let me explain what I am trying to convey here:
Election Day began just like any other Election Day with polls opening their doors early in the morning. Throughout America, Democracy 's heart was beating with every person exercising his or her right to vote.

As the day turned into night, like many of us here in the east coast, I turned my attention to the flashy fancy television coverage. I even took one more step and got my computer running so I could watch even more on the net. Yes we are living in an era of fast media and instant gratification. The polls closed in Florida at 7pm. The early results were coming in from states like Indiana and Kentucky, both of them giving the early edge to Texan Governor, George W. Bush.

Let the strange events begin:
As I was checking the web for results, I came across the news that the Republican National Committee website had been hacked. Do I smell "Intergate" here?

Just after 9pm the networks gave the state of Florida to vice-president Al Gore. Now, folks let's just take a minute to reflect upon that. A highly contested state and fourth in popular vote was all done counting their own in just two hours. Was George Constanza involved here? I did not think so. One in half hour later, the same networks were retracting their predictions. A case of premature ejaculation, if you will. The "Moops" come to mind here.

Another little tid bit of interesting news was when the networks gave us a peek at was going on inside the Bush camp. It was here when we first found out that maybe, we should just hold on about giving anyone anything from any of those heavily contested states. It was a very surreal scene watching George W. and his parents in front the press pool. It must have felt very awkward. I bet Newman was behind this.

While the American people were waiting for the Midwestern and mountain states to close their polls, the networks decided to give us the results of other important races, such as the senatorial one from Seinfeld's state of new York. History was made on this one, since for the first time, a First Lady was crowned senator from a state she does not live in.

It was great to watch president Clinton making eye contact to every female in sight. The end result is that newyorkers will have a Clinton in office for 6 more years. Hopefully, this one will be more civil, and dresses from the J. Pederman catalog will not be stained.

In the state Missouri (or misery), the late governor Mel Carnahan could not be taken out of the ballot due to his untimely death just two weeks before the election. Carnahan who was running for senator of the aforementioned state, was replaced by his wife and consequently defeated the republican incumbent John Ashcroft.

So for the first time in history a dead man defeats a living incumbent. Patrick Smyth of The Irish Times writes: "In Ireland, the dead have been known to vote early and often, but in the U.S. It appears that a dead man can get elected". The now elected widow, Mrs. Carnahan, said that if her husband was alive, he would approve of her candidacy. I am one of the opinion that, as much as a husband should support a wife's affairs, in this case, it would be him, who would like to be in office, not her.

By the way the Irish believe that Gore should have won by a 57 to 43 margin. Here's to whisky and rye and not asking why?

So now, it's almost midnight here in the east coast and the focus is on the states in which Green Party candidate Ralph Nader could make and impact; the Wisconsin's, Minnesota's, Oregon's and Washington's of the world. Well guess what, nader equaled to almost nada. In this close election he might have been the difference between Gore and the presidency, the vice president's supporters claim. Nader barely passed 2.5 million votes nationwide. Yes, enough votes to make one or the other, win the election. Maybe in those states, more voters thought Bush or Gore were not as "sponge" worthy as in others, as Elaine would say.

As my eyes are getting shot, the media projects George W. As the 43rd president of the united states. The networks were so believable that even Al Gore believed it. He even phoned Bush to concede and congratulate. One hour later as if he had spoken to Jackie Charles, he retracted his concession.

At 7am, and barely awake, there comes news out of West Palm Beach (del boca vista), that Uncle Leo had designed and misled the voters with a very confusing butterfly style ballot. Ironically 3,000 voters (apparently good enough margin of victory for the 25 electoral votes) including George Constanza's parents were involved in this fiasco.

There is also news coming out of Wisconsin, that democrat boosters were giving homeless people, cigars in exchange for suffrage for Gore. Kramer is definitely behind that.

One really good thing came out of all this whether you are Jewish or Catholic, dentite or anti-dentite, straight or gay (not that there is anything wrong with that!) "This election showed that every person's vote count".

So what's Jerry Seinfeld to do in a situation like this, well, "Yadda, yadda, yadda", a Puerto Rican flag waves atop The Statue of Liberty. I am sure the folks at the coffee shop are as puzzled as I am. Strangely enough, I can really say that, like in "Festivus", he will have to wait just like the rest of us. As for the real Jerry Seinfeld and his wife Sascha, I just hope they don't name their daughter "Mulva".

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